naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
