I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
