I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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