I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
