Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
