You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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