textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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