I bet he comes in French.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
