No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
