Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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