So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
