dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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