I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As shirtless as possible
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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