this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
