Will you blow on my dice?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
