So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
