Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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