either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
