Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
