If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
