u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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