hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
