Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
