Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
