I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
