I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
