Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
