I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
