so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
