You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
