i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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