i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
