I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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