I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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