This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
