I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
