I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
