I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and she was petting her beer can
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
