We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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