I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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