names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
