i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
