Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
