I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
