Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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