I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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