hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
