I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
