So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
