I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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